Casualties of Life

casualty (11 of 14)

I know, I know. But I’ve got a really good reason.

My marriage didn’t make it y’all.

It really is for the best. I’ve had to take the time to self-heal in not such a great environment. I’ve also had to reflect on the things I’ve seen, the things I shouldn’t have seen, and the work that needs to be done to rebuild. I’m looking for another teaching position for next year and, as always, trying to find more ways to incorporate creativity into my daily life.

casualty (13 of 14)

casualty (14 of 14)

casualty (12 of 14)

Isn’t it amazing how neutral somehow looks even more colorless when a dream dies?

Don’t get me wrong. I know my future looks 100% brighter. But, sometimes, even knowing that doesn’t always make getting through the present any less sucky. Sometimes, it’s even a moment by moment thing. It’s just the way some things are.

In between time, I play catch and release with the Girl Child out back. It’s summertime, after all.

casualty (1 of 14)

Mine.

casualty (3 of 14)

Hers.

She’s really good at it.

Fortunately, during this time I have friends that understand and bring a little sunshine back into the picture every now and again.

casualty (6 of 14)

casualty (5 of 14)

casualty (10 of 14)

Thanks, Laurel. 

It’s called life folks, and sometimes, it gets a little real.

Comments

  1. grayseasaylor says:

    Stacy. I am so sorry. While I have not experienced your circumstances, I care about your loss. I am cheering you on from the West Coast as you mourn and creatively take your next steps finding a new teaching job, and sort through the other details of your life. You are a talented, gifted woman, and I feel blessed knowing you through your blog. xx

  2. Laurel1215 says:

    Any time, toots. You just know I have my mojo cannon pointed in your direction. XOXOXO

  3. SpinKnitLove12 says:

    Our hearts go out to you! I hope that this makes you more happy and your life easier. Whatever happens you still have your spinning.

    • Thank you. :) I know with some time, and distance, things will definitely look up. But, you know, most normal folks don’t enjoy this kind of process. Some days are better than others.

  4. Stacy
    I have so enjoyed reading your blog for a while. Spinning and knitting are so peaceful. May they bring you joy and peace in tough times. Freedom may reign!!! Peaceful thoughts to you.

  5. You are brave and strong and you will become even more so! I have been where you are (twice), it’s difficult, scary, sad, maddening, all of those things and more. So I am sorry. Keep spinning and knitting and creating and loving. :)

    • Thanks for that. So easy to forget sometimes you are not the only one in the world passing this way. It really helps to keep that in mind. I will definitely take your advice. :)

      >

  6. I’m sorry to hear this. It’s hard now, but you will make it out on the other side and be much happier for it. I know my house is. Just keep spinning.

    • Thank you. I really wish the other side didn’t seem so far away right now. But it’s good to know there are those out there who have been there and done that and have gotten to happier places in their lives.

  7. There are more people who really get this, and where you are, than you could ever imagine. And your honesty has helped heal many others. You are generous and you will be fine.

  8. I’m sorry for the loss of your marriage but, keeping a positive attitude and good friends like you seem to have will help you through it. Reading through the comments it looks like you have a whole slew of people in your corner (not to mention the ones offline) and we’re all rooting for you. Stay strong.

    • Thanks Sarah. You know, it is really nice to have become part of the fiber community. I have never met such a generous group of people anywhere else. It’s like a code or something. They’re always giving of themselves (and of their substance in many cases). It’s very healing to be around people like that.

      • I agree. I have met many wonderful people through my blog and Ravelry and I hope your happy days far out number the sad ones.

  9. Aw, honey. That’s so much sad, even when it’s for the best. I’m here if you want to chat, and we have spare beds (or hotels, of course) and plenty of fibery fun if you want to come get away for a day or two.

    • Oh thanks!!! That is so sweet!

      Well, I definitely hope to take you up on that offer some time. But, I really have to get up on finding a job for the coming year. First year and new teachers tend to get passed around the first few years even if they do keep work (at least that is what I’m told these days). But, I just found out that one of the districts I have worked for has a hiring freeze, and I’m not too certain about the other. Yes, the fun never stops around here, lol! I’m at the point where working in education is not giving me the security I need for the effort put in and the circumstances I have now…So we’ll see what this year brings.

      • You are definitely not the only person feeling insecure in the education industry these days. Those of us who’ve been doing it for years still feel the threat every spring. And yes, there is always the possibility you’ll wind up teaching something entirely different on any given year in elementary, or at a different school when teaching at any level – if your position doesn’t get cut entirely. It’s no wonder so many people leave before their 5th year! Good luck, whatever you settle into.

      • Is that right? Wow! I really was not aware that seasoned teachers go through as much too. I’m considering reconsidering teaching. My situation has changed, obviously, and I need a career I can depend on where I don’t have to worry about being called back year to year. I have mouths to feed. I’ve been in the public school system ever since I graduated with my master’s and every year it’s the same thing wondering if you have a job the next year. AND I always wind up somehow having to going back to school, incurring yet more debt while still trying to get into a career that helps you pay it off. Lol: education is the gift that keeps on giving. It’s a lot of giving of yourself for very little appreciation too, it seems. I think the students do appreciate it when you’ve hung around a bit and made some connections with them. That feels SO good! Especially because the ones I tend to deal with are usually the “rough necks.” But, in general, a lot is overlooked. This past year, I was basically told I was being compared to five- and ten-year teachers as a first year teacher as well. It didn’t make me run for the hills, but it all kept me somewhat stressed. I was looking for some form of mentoring and found out I really should’ve been watching my back, lol! In education-what should be one of the most nurturing environments you could ever work. Not!! It just wasn’t what I thought it’d be. I think if I don’t teach again, I would really miss the kids. But there’s a heck of a lot that I wouldn’t miss, for sure.

        >

      • Your view of teaching seems to match mine pretty well. But then, I also have only taught in public schools with higher poverty rates, which I think can be a bit of a different beast. I wouldn’t trade it for the world though, because while all that negative stuff you mention is absolutely, depressingly true, the kids are absolutely amazing. I adore working with them, and feel like I really make an impact. So while I definitely understand why so many teachers leave the industry in the first 5 years, so far for me the amount of time I get with the kids is still enough of a positive to balance out all the other crap. :-)

      • Exactly! I think that’s the only reason any of us do it, really. The kids are the only reason to keep going to work. Otherwise, I think everyone would be heading for the hills!

  10. Oh, I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out. May God continue to give you the support that you and your family needs to begin again. xoxo

    • Thank you, Libby. The way things were going, it really didn’t need to work out. But I do hurt for my kids. I believe the Lord has a way of making things up to you when they don’t work out that way though. We’ll see what surprises He has up His sleeves for me and the kids in the future. :)

  11. I am truly saddened to read that you are having a difficult time this summer. When your heart is heavy, I ask the Lord God to uplift it and that he blesses you with favor in search of your new teaching position. May your spinning and knitting give your mind solace to make it to happier days, that I pray are in the very near future.
    On another note, beautiful spinning as always. I think that’s the first time I’ve seen milk fiber roving. I figured it was silk with all that shine. I hope that you will start it soon. I really believe in color therapy. Also, it’s good to see that lightning bugs still exist. I don’t see them as much as I did as a child.

    • Thanks so much for your prayer! That really touched me. :)
      Color therapy is some of the best kind of therapy for fibery people, I think. I just went to a dye event that really just felt good. I couldn’t have asked for a better day…well, except if I had gotten to paint too. ;)

  12. I know how you feel, when I feel sad, I think of my favourite thing ..

  13. So sorry to hear this Stacey but you’re a strong woman and I know God has your back. (((hugs)))

  14. Your positivity and optimism will reward you through these tough times! I send many peaceful and strong thoughts your way, and hope that you continue to find the happy moments in your days!

    • Thank you, Nika! Yes, I think there is always a choice to find happiness or to dwell on darkness. Some days it’s easier to choose happiness than others. But, thankfully, I have more things to be thankful and happy for than not. That was just one thing. Life goes on.

  15. I am so terribly sorry to read that. I still remember how happy you “sounded” when you were moving in together …

    I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I wish you the strength to carry on, day after day, until you can heal.

    I don’t know if this is any comfort, but: God never puts more on your shoulders than you can actually carry.

    I send you a big, big hug and lots and lots of Love.

    • Thank you, Julia! Yes, I was very happy to try again! I always wanted a family full of love and I also wanted my kids to have what I had (both of my parents are still together today). But everyone doesn’t share those values or even the same moral codes in many cases. That’s where me and my ex differed. We could never get on the same track for very long because we’re just way too different in how we live our lives and who we are at our core. It’s sad for the kids, so that bothers me. But, for me, there were ups and downs, and typical of me, I think I was trying to make the best out of a bad situation for a long time. I would have put up with a lot for the sake of my kids. But, as for us, in hindsight, we always had very extreme highs and very extreme lows. I’m not sure that’s healthy for any relationship. I think a happy consistent hum (for lack of a better word) is probably what I’d look for going forward in any kind of relationship of that magnitude. I’d probably give the stink eye to anything else at this point, lol.

  16. lots of sympathies and some happy thoughts sent your way. I have been through it. I hope you can continue to self-heal in a better environment–you will get through it. <3

  17. Oh Stacey I am truly sorry but you are such a positive gal with such a wonderful outlook on the very essence of life. Spinning is soothing for the soul and does the spirit good. Hugs to you dearest :)

    • Thank you so much, Tina! Yes, spinning is so very soothing for the soul. I can’t tell you how many folks I know that spin because it’s cheaper than seeing a therapist, lol. Now that I have a few yummies to spin, I’ll be getting some spin therapy of my own, I suppose. Thanks for the hugs!

  18. I’m sorry to hear about your relationship but having broken up with a boyfriend I loved knitting is the only thing keeping me sane so keep spinning and smiling. Big hug to you x

    • Thanks so much! I’m not sure that I’m so upset about breaking up as I am about my family being broken. The breaking up was a long time coming, actually. It’s really difficult to make things work with someone who doesn’t share the same value set. I just never wanted a broken family for my kids. But, its helpful just to keep looking forward. Prayerfully, they will heal properly in spite of this.

  19. I am so sorry. I’ve been reading backwards catching up on your posts. Wishing you and yours God’s blessings. –Verónica

Leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 532 other followers

%d bloggers like this: